DRD 2008

Posterity

2008-11-14T13:58:00.000-08:00

Posterity is a funny word if you look at it too long. It's also pretty funny if you say it real fast, three times...(comes out sounding something like "pass-dirty.") and even funnier if you say it with your 'Wargo' voice.

C'mon...you know you have one.

Everybody does.

But the reason that I bring up posterity today is that I am trying to make sure that we don't lose track of all those great photos & videos that we took at the 2008 DRD. (or 'DRP' or whatever, Brian...geez!)

I was kinda' hoping that the DRD 2008 Blog would become the online repository for those files. After December 31 of this year I will close off the DRD 2008.blogspot.com's public access & send out private invitations (to the interested parties). That way we can always refer back to those images & video's & all those blog posts & then later on down the line we'll have something of an invaluable nature to hand down to our children (and their children's children, etc, etc, etc...and so on and so forth)

I can accept the files via my gmail account - jadicarlo@gmail.com or...

if they are too large to send via e-mail...

you can zip them up & upload them to me via FTP at www.dicarlo1.com/upload.htm

The Taste of Victory

2008-10-17T21:39:00.000-07:00

Never has Victory tasted so sweet!

BREAKING NEWS

2008-10-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

IT'S ALL OVER FOLKS!

JOSH ZEALAND WINS THE 2008 DISTANCE RUNNER'S DECATHLON THE NEXT 5 EVENTS ARE SKIPPED AND THE COMPETITORS HEAD TO OLIVE GARDEN FOR THE 11TH EVENT - BREADSTICK COMPETITION

In an unprecedented move the DRD Planning Commission & the event officials convened a meeting to discuss potential options for coping with the inclement weather. It was initially suggested that the final 5 events be moved indoor to the Tolsma Indoor Track & Field Facility at Campus North or delayed until the rains held up.

Both of these options were weighed and eventually ruled out due to "certain reasons" that they are not sharing with the press at this time.

After a short consultation with the legal department & the remaining athletes it was decided that the event should be done after the 5th event and be renamed the:

Distance Runner's Pentathlon

By virtue of the fact that he led in the overall standings following the 5th event.

Joshua Zealand walked off the track a world champion tonight.
More to come...

BREAKING NEWS

2008-10-17T21:08:00.000-07:00

400 meter run leaves little doubt that Zealand is a contender for the "Cup"

As the rain and winds pick-up the Commission and Event Officials convene to determine if the DRD should go on. Drenched athletes and media take cover in nearby buildings...

The Commission's decision will be posted as soon as it is available.

BREAKING NEWS

2008-10-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

THREE FLYING "J's" DUKE IT OUT IN THE HIGH-JUMP
Khan and Mini Zealand pull DiCarlo back down to Earth

As the rains grow heavier & the wind picks up here at the Matthes Hopkins Track, it is becoming more & more obvious that Joey DiCarlo (ITA), the current DRD high-jump record holder's form may not be up to Chalice standards this year. The odds on favourite in the high-jump, the man they call "Juggernaut" has just left the door wide open with a mediocre 5 ft. 2 inch jump - a full 5 inches lower than his PR.

On the flip side of this coin, Josh Zealand (CAN) & John Khan (MOR) (PAK) were able to match DiCarlo jump for jump & both came out of the High Jump pit smelling like roses. The younger Zealand now has the momentum in his favor. A good 400 for the diminutive Canadian could make him the clear leader.

Josh Zealand (above) clears his own height at the 2008 DRD "bar exam"

It was rumored that DiCarlo ( pictured above), a native Italian speaker, misread the 4th event on the event list to be the "high water" instead of the "high jump."
Apparently this is a common Italian-English mistranslation.

John Khan (pictured above) clears the high-jump bar while calling out the Carolina Panthers for a face mask penalty and bringing them back 15 yards.

BREAKING NEWS

2008-10-17T15:35:00.000-07:00

JOHN KAHN...I mean KHAN GIVES MASTERCLASS IN SHOTPUTTING
DICARLO LEADS AFTER 3rd EVENT

Lynchburg, VA - With a decisive win in shot-put, 1999 Chalice Winner John Khan (MOR) (PAK) showed that he's still a force to be reckoned with. His impressive performances in the long jump & a field best 36 foot, 4 inch shotput throw Khan in the thick of a contentious fight for first place at this year's Distance Runner's Decathlon. The athletes are now preparing for the high-jump. We will post the lastest results as they become available...

BREAKING NEWS

2008-10-17T15:11:00.000-07:00

Frosh Zealand Wins the 100 meter run in photo-finish

Lynchburg, VA - Matthew "Frosh" Zealand (CAN) won the opening event - 100 meter run on a soaked track at the 2008 Distance Runner's Decathlon. Zealand's time of 14.72 seconds was just good enough to best Italy's Guiseppe DiCarlo & his fellow countryman Joshua Zealand. The athletes are now preparing for the long jump. More news to come as it becomes available...

The Athletes

2008-10-17T15:02:00.000-07:00

LIVE: From Lynchburg

2008-10-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

Day 2: Game Day AM

After attending campus Convocation this morning, some of the athletes were spotted at the local burrito joint Moe's having lunch. It was reported that DiCarlo had the 'Art Vandelay' burrito (vegetarian & loaded with beans) so the other athletes have been warned to not ride the elevator at the Wingate with him until at least 9 pm this evening.

The event will kick off at 4 pm sharp with the 100 meters being the first competitive event.

LIVE: From Lynchburg

2008-10-16T20:51:00.000-07:00

DAY 1:

The 2008 DRD athletes have almost all arrived.

Currently registered are:

-Joshua Zealand

-Matthew Zealand

-Bruce Kite

-John Khan

-Brent Neiter

- Joey DiCarlo

The event official, Brian Ballard arrived in town this afternoon and is preparing the ground rules of the competition. Some measures were discussed at an informal meeting that would do away with times, heights, distances etc. & instead base the competition on a points system that is determined by placement in each event. (ie the lowest score wins)

It is rumored that many of the competitors carbo-loaded this evening at the local Cracker Barrell & after some hot-tubbing they finished the job with some 1/4 pints of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice Cream.

Tomorrows agenda is fairly open, but it has already been determined that the event will kick off with the 100 meter run at 4 pm sharp (following the singing of the US & Canadian national anthems)

Stay tuned for more details & photographs as they become available.

Weather Update

2008-10-15T04:55:00.000-07:00

Lynchburg weather forecast for Friday, 17 October

BREAKING NEWS

2008-10-15T04:39:00.000-07:00

I received this message via text last night:

Rumor has it that i may be willing to make the 550 mile trek to the burg.
I've been thinking about it all day long, and will see ya'll down there.

8:49 PM Tue, 14 Oct
From: John Khan

Reply:

'atta boy...can't wait to see ya!

9:26 PM Tue, 14 Oct
From: Joey DiCarlo
CC: Ballard, Kite, Nieter, Zealand

to go or not to go...

2008-10-13T13:15:00.000-07:00

Gentlemen,

There are rumors bouncing about the internets & via text messages that "certain" very important individuals may or may NOT be participating in this year's festivities. If you know of such a person who is sitting on the fence, (and I'm not naming any names here - because I want to respect that or those person(s) decisions, and not make light of what could potentially be a life altering decision (bad decision if you ask me) Anyway, if you know of such a person then I ask that you use every ounce of persuasion & all the conniving that you can muster to persuade said individual(s) to attend the bash.

Sincerely,

The Commish

The Final Countdown

2008-10-10T07:47:00.000-07:00

The Shot-Put by Sven Goran Dikarlosson

2008-10-07T08:33:00.000-07:00

An unfiltered cigarette is an instrumental garnish when practicing the shot-put.

The bar exam...

2008-10-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

Men of Destiny

2008-10-02T05:29:00.000-07:00

With
courage,

fortitude,
endurance,
physical & mental strength,
faith,
love
knowledge,
and...

a grill?

These were truly 'Men of Destiny.'

The 100 Meter Run by John Khan

2008-10-01T06:29:00.000-07:00

100 Meters:
The Definition of an Athlete
by 1999 Chalice of Victory Winner - John Khan

This year the majority of the world was gathered to either watch the activities in Beijing or actually visiting a stones throw away from Pyanghopa. Just months ago the world witnessed a man doggie paddle himself to 8 gold medals. On the hardwood they watched countless alley-oops get thrown down. They witnessed 4 bikini clad women on the sand digging, diving, bumping, and spiking…yet we all kept wondering, - what is the tape on her shoulder? And none can forget the great form and synchronicity of the men's 10m synchronized platform dive, and those showers they take when they come out of the pool. We've seen electricity strike on the track surface, resulting in a world record.

Some would read the headline of this article and ask if there are two zeros and a comma missing.

"The definition of a man is 100m, what about the other 9900m?"

Don't get me wrong, I say 'some' would read this and come to this conclusion. The DRD athlete, whom stands apart from the rest of the world, realizes that to be a true athlete you must be versatile. There are moments of greatness that are displayed at various distances in the DRD athletes lifetime. In order to successfully excel at the rigorous demands of all ten events, you must excel at the first.

100m down the track with your fellow competitors. Some men feel that wearing speed suits will help them succeed. Other men feel that wearing necklaces will guarantee a sub 15s time. And there are some men that wear shoes three sizes too small so they can really stay up on their toes.

100m might seem like a drop in the bucket to a DRD competitor, but with the whole world watching such a prestigious event...this event will set the tone for future athletes and years and years of DRD's to come.

Training is required, with various shoes, various wild animals, and various hot girls with big buff boyfriends. You see, these are the ways that a DRD athlete must train…survival of the fittest.

1) Strength shoes might look funny when you stop in to McDonald's for a Big Mac extra value meal, but you are a DRD athlete…so much of the world could never understand your training regimen.

2) Other athletes rely solely on heading into the woods and stirring up a bee's nest, or taunting a bear cub while the mother is nearby. This my friend, is how true adrenaline is generated in the body of a DRD athlete.

3) And which one of us DRD competitors hasn't been caught on a trip down to Florida State University over spring break? Head out to Panama Beach over the break, slide on your fastest / lightest racing flats, and offer to put some suntan lotion on those feminanas sitting on the beach (with musclehead boyfriends nearby playing Frisbee or doing push ups).

Training for this one event, the infamous 100m, requires a lot of courage and suntan lotion.This one event and training techniques may not apply to the other 9 events, so please be careful in your preparations. Good luck to everyone in their training, as you're more than welcome to utilize these tips. I may just take myself up on that offer as a couple of (eh-oh) feminanas are setting their towels down, but you really ought to see the triceps on their boyfriends.

Let's grab that spf-30 and let's keep training.

Final Notice

2008-09-29T16:38:00.000-07:00

If you plan on staying in one of the three rooms that I have reserved at the Wingate Inn & your name does not start with the letters "B.r.", you have just over 24 hours to let me know.

I can be reached at jadicarlo@gmail.com or via mobile (443) 366.2916.

If I do not hear from you before the stroke of midnight on October 1, I will release the room or rooms that I currently hold and you will be left to your own devices.

Also on October 1st - Stay tuned for the third installment of our guest blog feature series "Training Tips."

100 meters by John Khan coming soon!

Event Information

2008-09-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

Gentlemen, DRD enthusiasts, & sports media,

Time is flying & today, the 17th of September is exactly 30 days away from the opening ceremonies of the:

2008
Distance Runner's Decathlon Extravaganza
& Arts & Crafts Bazaar

The next 4 weeks will be gone before we know it & it will be time for each of us to put our money where our smack-talking mouths (or smack-typing fingers) are. So without further ado,

here's what you need to know (for now):

Check-in & registration for the event will be at 4 pm on Thursday the 16th of October at in the lobby of the Wingate Inn, Lynchburg, VA.

There are 3 rooms reserved at the Wingate for the nights of the 16th, 17th & 18th. The cost per room for all 3 nights will be $332 + tax. If you want one of these rooms you need to let me know before October 1 at which point we will switch the reservation over into your name.

Following check-in and virgin cocktails the evening will include a protein loading dinner at a restaurant or cafeteria TBA.

The actual Decathlon will begin at a time TBA on the afternoon of Friday the 17th of October shortly followed by the 11th event breadstick event at Olive Garden, Lynchburg, VA. This year's breadstick event has a sponsor and from this point forward will be called the:

'Barack Obama for President

2008 DRD 11th Event Breadstick Competition'

That's the scoop for now. Contact me at 443-366-2916 or jadicarlo@gmail.com with any questions or comments

John Khan's Legs: A Profile in Courage

2008-09-08T01:00:00.000-07:00

Unlike recent years, the late 1970's was a time of tumult across the greater middle east & south central Asia. Religious wars, famine, oil rationing, pestilence, & unending cricket matches left much of what we refer to today as the I slamic Republic of Pakistan in dire straits. Being born into such chaos may have seemed punishment enough for any innocent newborn but to then be born with a rare and debilitating deformity: it just may have been the ultimate insult. Unbeknownst to many DRD athletes and fans, it was just this predicament into which 1999 Chalice winner John Khan arrived in this World.

Now a full fledged, flag-waiving U.S.-American, John was born in Lahore, Pakistan in early September of 1978 (although due to poor record keeping the actual date is not available. So it is perfectly acceptable to wish him "Happy Birthday" anytime between the 1st and 15th of that month - like I do). The doctors at Lahore General Hospital & his parents were unaware at the time , but several weeks after giving birth, his mother received official birth record documentation from the Moroccan government claiming that, even though his parents had never lived in or even been to the country, John's legs were in fact citizens of the Kingdom of Morocco.

John Khan (right) celebrates his 37th birthday this week

Naturally the doctors were perplexed by this rare deformity, now known as "Moroccan Legs" but upon further investigation it was discovered that there have been two other documented cases of dual citizen appendages:

1. Swedish soccer player Zlatan Ibrahimović's nose claims full rights as an Israeli citizen.
2. Benito Mussolini's cousin Franco Bellini's first wife Sophia was said to have had Irish eyes.
* Also note: in the animal kingdom this rare English swan's Bjork is Icelandic

Despite the poor fortune of his youth, after immigrating to the United States John Khan & his Moroccan legs would later make a big splash on the Upstate New York high-school distance running scene, and later would make an equally huge impact on Liberty University's "turn of the century" distance running squad. But for the better part of his life John was very guarded about his leg's immigration status & nationality. In 1997 that all changed. For reasons that are still to this day unclear, John's legs were "outted" by a former Dallas Cowboy during a routine dorm viewing of Saturday Night Live...

Michael Irving Beckner (pictured above) outted John's legs in 1997

Initially stunned & unsure of public reaction to, what in the late 1990's amounted to a potentially career ending disclosure (you have to remember - this was before Monica Lewinsky), John & his legs decided that all they could do was take things in stride and have a firm stance (both puns that were most certainly intended) And that's what they did...

Instead of hiding John & his 'Moroccan legs' held a series of evangelistic-style meetings throughout the Southeast portion of the USA to raise awareness of & help fight 'Dual Citizen Appendage syndrome'.

Following that tour, John & legs returned to Liberty University where they studied Corporate Finance, Accounting, & French, graduated Cum Laud & as if that weren't enough, as their crowning achievement, together, in 1999 (with the help of some funny math) they were able to earn one of the most sought after & cherished prizes in all of distance runner decathlondom - a DRD Chalice of Victory.

John Khan's legs: a true profile in courage!

The Javelin by Bruce Kite

2008-08-24T13:10:00.000-07:00

Event: Javelin Throw

World Record: 98.48 m. (set in 1996 by J. Zelezny - Czech Republic )

DRD Record (for shortest distance): 23.92m. (set in 2000 by B. Kite - Amish Land)

“When you responsibly procure your family’s dinner by hand, each meal becomes a sacred rite, and the reality of life and death is undeniable.” – Ted Nugent

The device that helped fill the stomachs of our beloved ancestors is the mighty javelin . The javelin allowed our hungry forefathers to “strike from a distance” and avoid the somewhat bloody and slightly more risky “hand-to-hand combat” option.

In modern times, the javelin has amounted to a sort of festivus event for the DRD (seeing that it is an “aluminum pole” requiring a “feat of strength” to hurl it). Now as the DRD athlete most likely to “procure his next meal by hand”, I have been asked to offer some insight into the sacred practice of hunting, I mean, throwing the javelin...

1. Focus: This is what separates the men from the boys, the hungry from the famished and him who holds the sacred chalice of victory from the others who don’t. I usually like to envision each throw from start to finish. A friend of mine, Big B. Ballard found that focusing on fluffy, soft bunnies helped him concentrate. Either way, maintaining your focus is a key to success in Mario Kart er, I mean the javelin.

2. Diet: An oft-overlooked key to every highly conditioned athlete is strict adherence to a high-performance diet. Lets start with the food groups that can help you out the most.

- Energy. Nothing, and I mean nothing can provide as much energy as a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Now don’t let the label fool you, one pint is a serving size. A typical pint contains enough calories to feed a third-world nation. Just imagine if you had the strength of an entire under-privileged nation within you…eat a pint and you will.

- Protein. Your muscles need protein to rebuild themselves after a hard workout. In a highly scientific study conducted by one Dr. Z.J. Khan, Pepsi was found to be the best source of protein for a DRD athlete. It also keeps the joints properly lubricated. So drink up boys, your muscles will thank you.

- KFC. “You need chicken!” Enough said. I.S.K.?

3. Training. There are a few great ways to train for the javelin. One of my personal favorites is “Pumpkin’ Chunking.” To do this, you’ll need a third story window and a few pumpkins. Practice throwing the pumpkins on the sidewalk below repeatedly. This builds up arm strength and works your back and shoulders. I also like “Candy Throwing”. For this, you’ll need a college sports team lined up watching a parade. Simply stand on one of the floats and go for headshots.

4. The Yell*. Every great thrower has a good guttural scream that helps focus all of his efforts into the throw. A good yell can be worth a slew of style points.

The javelin has transitioned from an implement essential for human survival to an implement essential for winning the DRD. So train hard, eat hard and focus. The DRD is just around the corner.

*Studies have shown that a good yell and javelin throw can increase one’s success at the eleventh event.

The High Jump by Joey DiCarlo

2008-08-14T01:00:00.000-07:00

Event: High Jump
World Record: 2.54 m. (set in 1993 by J. Sotomayor - Cuba)
DRD Record: 1.67 m. (set in 2000 by J. DiCarlo - Finland)For several years after I set the DRD high-jump record, adoring fans would come up and ask me what the secret to my success was? Although I admit that I had given the question a great deal of thought & I desperately wanted to bestow some great nugget of high-jumping wisdom upon them: quite frankly - I couldn't answer them.

Was it the adrenaline from the so-called 'heat of competition'? Was it my rigorous training regimen? Was it the three bowls of Lucky Charms I had for lunch that day? Maybe it was the fact that I am freakishly tall (well...Isaac put that one to rest), or maybe it was just simply the natural inclination of persons with a first initial "J" to set high jump records?

I honestly did not know.

But that was then and this is now. I have had nearly 8 years to reflect on my success and that is why I was thrilled when the 2008 DRD Planning Commission asked me to share these three simple high-jump training tips with you.

1. Diet - Before each workout and / or competition I recommend a performance enhancing beverage known as 'Fizzy Lifting Drink'. If there was one thing that I have come away with from all the time I spent in Germany with Charlie & Grandpa Joe, it is that this stuff works wonders for your "ups". (Just watch out for the industrial ventilator fans above & don't sign any legal documents without reading them first)

2. Video Tape - Sure we all know what the great Football coaches are doing on Sunday or Monday night, but what are they doing on Tuesday afternoon? Answer: Video Tape. Yes, well as long as they don't have to be bailing their sons out of jail (i.e Andy Reid) anyway... they try to find some time to review footage of future opponents and then, by identifying patterns, they tailor their play book to best counter the other team's strategy. Now the same can be done while training for the DRD high-jump. Want to improve that lift off? Trying to get more flip out of that 'Fosbury Flop'*?

Well, then I recommend:
1. watching U2's 'Elevation' music video - it's very inspiring!!!
2. a screening of the Disney classic 'Son of Flubber', and of course...
3. the movie that has practically become synonyms with the high-jump event: 'Les Cousins Dangereux.' It's a little slow at first and the dialogue is sometimes hard to follow but this is a French masterpiece. (I love the way they think)

3. Jumping High - one of my favorite track coaches once said "if you want to run fast, you have to... run fast." (wait, wait, wait just a sec...now that I think about it, this is the same coach who once entertained the idea of having me stand very close to his office window with the hopes that said window might close in a guillotine-like manner and I would then be transformed into his team's best female distance runner...okay you know what, on second thought... you know what - let's scratch the "favorite coach" part) but all that aside - what I think he meant was, 'don't just train for distance races with 6 days of LSD and a couple of 200 m repeats on Thursday before dinner'. 'Train fast, run hard & teach your muscles what it feels like to run fast'. When race day comes, you will, guaranteed, run fast(er).
Wise words indeed, and I have been able to apply that principle to my high-jump training as well.
I still hit the bunk bed pretty hard every now and then but now that I am married that is usually reserved for nights when me and the Mrs. are on the outs. Now-a-days I make my way out to the local "hood" for some old fashion high-jumping; colloquially known as bass-et-ball or "ball'n" in that particular part of the city. (see picture below). There is really nothing like crunk'n, dunk'n and hittn' nutt'n but net...

I highly recommend it for the Distance Runners Decathlete approaching 30 years of age.

* the 'Fosbury Flop' is closely related to the 'Rockefeller Skank' and in Sub-Saharan Africa the terms are used interchangeably

Training Tips

2008-08-12T17:50:00.000-07:00

So it's nearly the end of summer. Cooler weather, colorful leaves, & yes - the DRD are all just right around the corner. I know, I know, you've been promising yourself since early April that you were gonna get out there and start training. Running, jumping rope, lifting the occasional dumbell... Sure, that was back around Easter but since then Premiership soccer, the Euro's, the beach, the Phillies & now Olympic beach volleyball have all conspired to keep you comfortably ensconsed in that leather and aptly named Lazy-Boy chair in your living room. And yeah...the fact that you don't have a few hurdles, a discus, & a woman's shotput laying around the house hasn't helped matters any.

So those April aspirations have not really materialized into anything more concrete than the occasional 20 minute fun-run 'round the neighborhood & a wiffle ball game with your little cousins. Sound familiar?

Well, if there is a ring of truth to the above scenario than this next series of blog posts is for you.

The DRD Planning Commission in conjunction with the DRD Coaches Association International present

Training Tips

for the

Distance Runners Decathlete

approaching

years

age.

Tune in on Thursday for Training Tips Part 1 - 'The High Jump'

Newer Zealand

2008-08-11T06:46:00.001-07:00

The 'DRD Planning Commission' & the newly formed 'DRD Baby Welcoming Committee' would like to congratulate Decathlon legend Matt "Frosh" Zealand & his family on the birth of their son -

Wyatt Matthew Zealand

5 August 2008

Also in baby making/having news:
Y2K DRD Official Umpire Josh Jones & his wife Cheryl are expecting a little one sometime early this autumn.

New Zealand

2008-07-24T23:34:00.001-07:00

The DRD Planning Commission are pleased to congratulate Joshua & Heather Zealand on the arrival of their son William Clark Zealand (pictured below).

This now brings the list of potential DRD 2028 participants to 9 with 1 in the oven.
This is the breakdown:

Frosh Zealand - 3 with 1 on the way
Mini-Zealand - 2
Juggernaut DiCarlo - 1 & trying desperately to play catch-up
Brentimus Nieter - 1
Michael Arnulf - 1
Austrian Steve - 1
Amos Kite - nil
Khan-Man - nada [which is still very surprising considering all his wives & concubines]
B. Ball-ard - nope

new.drd2008.blogspot.com

2008-07-24T23:23:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of the great American tradition known as "keeping up with the Jones'," The Official Forum of the 2008 Distance Runner's Decathlon has changed it's look.

Take that Facebook!

Historic Documents - Part III

2008-07-22T18:31:00.000-07:00

Although they often got it slightly wrong, The Liberty Champion, Volume 17, No 3, dated 14 September 1999 had it ohhh so right...

Historic Documents - Part II

2008-07-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

This isn't the only meathead who can write a manifesto...

Gentlemen, I present unto you for your reading pleasure:
The unabridged John Khan Y2K DRD Manifesto
(in PDF Format...naturally)

Historic Documents

2008-07-16T18:04:00.000-07:00

The Magna Carta...
The Declaration of Independence...
The 'Speelunking JoJo' chat-log.

Few documents have changed civilization so drastically.
Few documents have steered & directed the events of mankind.
And fewer still have led a revolution.

With only 93 days to go until the 2008 DRD, the DRD Planning Commission in conjunction with Brent Nieter's Pack-Rat Inc. are pleased to release, for popular consumption, documents so vital... so crucial to the very existence of our event that it literally beggars belief.

Gentlemen I release unto you:

the final results of our Y2K event
(in PDF format.)

also, coming soon in the 'Historic Documents' series:
John Khan's 2000 Manifesto
Michael Lunde's Sorgasboard Faux Pas
and many more...

The Missing Link

2008-06-23T08:29:00.001-07:00

I ran across an article this weekend in our local paper by as scientist who claims that he has seen evidence of the missing link between the distance runner and the distance runner decathlete.

The following is a rendering of this so-called "missing link"

Men of Faith

2008-06-05T18:07:00.000-07:00

A DRD Athlete knows that he is not alone and that this waking life is but a layover on an eternal journey. It should come as no surprise then that at times these fine athletes are given to wish the wish they ought not, to dream the impossible dream, & to trust (no matter how unfounded that trust may be) in the unseen. DRD athletes are:

Men of Faith

It has been said that "the proof of the pudding is in the tasting."
Well, then taste this:

When a DRD man was invited to join his teammate on a weekend Appalachian Mountain camping adventure and was stood up it was his faith in the goodness of man that led him to put that humiliating experience behind him. When he was stood up the following Friday in an uncannily similar scenario that faith was still not shaken...

A DRD man would juggle bowling pins with wreckless abandon over top of his roommate's $900 PC tower and it was his faith in his roommate's personal restraint that made him believe that that roommate would not beat him senseless when an errantly tossed bowling pin smashed into the aforementioned PC tower...

It was faith (and perhaps poor lighting) that led two DRD men to believe that they saw a "penguin" and a "Navajo-Indian" in the rear-view mirror...

It was faith in the laxity of R.A.'s and the coolness of Joe Starchia that led DRD athletes to skip Thursday night hall meeting with impunity...

It was faith in the charity of man that led a DRD athlete to call Jeff at 3945 for a "free TV"...

...and It was faith in his own good looks & charm that led a DRD athlete to ask a Vonderhaven to "The Manor" for Super Conference in front of his mates and her crew. Although things did not work out in the end, his faith has made him impervious to the enduring nature of this tale of humiliation...

The stories could go on (and psst...if you have any tales of faith that you'd like to share with the rest of us, please feel free to use the unrestricted commenting feature on this blog to do so).

Distance Runner Decathletes are a different breed.

They are men of faith!

Men of Science

2008-06-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

Maybe it was a deep thirst for knowledge, or it might have been our burning desire to improve our individual performances in events foreign to us; events like the discus, the high-jump, and the shot-put. Or it could have been all the free time that we had our freshman year...

The debate rages on as to "why", but one thing is for sure - we were undoubtedly:

"Men of Science."

When a formula was needed to determine the future "cankleage" of a potential mate - it was a DRD athlete who devised the "axiom of transitive female maternity"

When it was asked of him to sacrifice his roommate's hard-earned pumpkin to confirm the law of gravity - it was a DRD athlete who sacrificed.

and then when it was demanded of him to confirm that law again (this time with an emaciated pine tree & a stolen disco-ball) a DRD athlete answered the call...

When the world asked "what might become of a cherry tomato, traveling at 53 mph in a crowded cafeteria when impacting the head of girl from a distance of 70 feet?" - a DRD athlete, with the help of a psychotic pretty-boy made it happen...

and when it was suggested that the 'speed of sound' was nothing when juxtaposed with the speed of a Pakistani being chased by a Great Dane through the forests of south central Virginia - it was no less than 4 DRD athletes who heard the boom!

Without a doubt these were men of science...

Rumor has it...

2008-05-20T12:32:00.000-07:00

Rumor has it that this garishly dressed gentleman may be competing in the 2008 DRD...
I'll keep you posted.

We Remember

2008-05-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

Although he never did officially sanction (or probably even know about) our great event; more than any other person we owe the late Dr. Falwell a sincere debt of gratitude. If you could think of the DRD, not in terms of a great athletic event only but as a fraternity forged by our experiences at Liberty mountain, then you understand that Dr. Falwell deserves our thanks.

He was a great man who stood athwart political history, a religious visionary with a deep-seated & Biblically informed faith in God's will, & a believer that, given the proper nurturing: a generation of young people dedicated to Christ could change their world for the better.

It was this last belief that led him to found our University - the institution under which the DRD (in the fraternal sense) was formed & flourished. Were it not for Dr. Falwell there would not be a DRD in any sense of the word and these priceless & enduring friendships that we gained on that mountain in South Central Virginia would be naught.

Joey DiCarlo (Salisbury, Maryland)

I never have forgotten his saying that "If it's Christian it Should be better." I loved his passion to represent Christ as giving people power to live above and beyond what they could in their natural selves. And his great faith to see God do incredible things was inspiring.

Brian Ballard (Asheville, North Carolina)

I believe Jerry Falwell has given me great example of vision and a life dream. The verse comes to mind, "if God is with us, who is against us." Jerry used sports and academics to build a huge following of believers behind him. He is and was a great encouragement to living for Jesus in this world with any job.

Stephen Meier (Bunker Hill, West Virginia)

This was taken in the Fall of 2002. Kim and I were on our way to a play and Jerry stopped us and asked to get a picture with us. That pretty much sums up how I will always remember the big guy.

Brent Nieter (Chesapeake, Virginia)

The passing of Dr. Falwell forced me to take a look at the impact that this man made on my life. While I could count my direct interactions with him on one hand, the lessons he passed on were powerful. As people began to comment on his passing, I realized that this man accomplished more in his lifetime than most everyone I know combined. Here was a man who looked the impossible in the eye and took hold of it. He never quit and never gave in. His story of locking himself in a dorm room for hours everyday to force himself to learn to pray spoke to me about commitment, and how to chase after your dreams and goals. Dr. Jerry Falwell redefined what determination meant to me and his never-quit, but shoot for impossible mindset helped mold me into who I am today. And for that, I am ever grateful.

Bruce Kite (Allentown, Pennsylvania)

If you would like to contribute to this blog post - forward your thoughts, comments, & pictures to the editor at jadicarlo@gmail.com

submissions will be accepted until 3 pm EST on 15 May

Austrian Steve : The Interview

2008-05-05T05:06:00.000-07:00

For the second installment in our interview series 'Legends of the DRD,' a one on one with 2 time competition winner & international superstar "Austrian" Stephen Meier. From M.K. (that's missionary kid for short) to missionary man, and all the stops in between. I spoke with Austrian last month at his home in Bunker Hill, West Virgina.

DRD: Good evening Steve - Thanks for taking the time to chat with me...

Austrian: Nice to chat with you...

18:51 DRD: Steve it's hardly news now that you are quite possibly the greatest DRD athlete of all times, and yet despite all that, you won't be competing this year.8:52

Are you just trying to let someone else win for a change or what?

18:54 Austrian: It's true, no one have ever outscored me ! John Khan is the only one that even came close - we tied at the '99 event. Timing for DRD 2008... simply didn't work out.

18:56 DRD: I have to tell you that many of the other competitors expressed disappointment when they found out that youwould not be at the 2008 event.

18:57 Between you and me I think that deep down they really wanted to hear another Austrian style rendition of the "Star Spangled Banner."

18:58 Austrian: Look, Robin was sick that day. So I sang it with a sheet of paper in my hand. I think I had like 10 minutes to warm-up...

19:01 DRD: All right, all right, seriously though...

19:02 It's been almost 8 years since you stood atop the red winner's chair at Fazoli's and received the Chalice of Victory...

I know this is a pretty open-ended question but: Austrian Steve, What have you been doing with yourself for the past 8 years?

19:05 Austrian: Right after I completed my first Master's degree God opened a door for me to serve by teaching English in South Korea. It was there that I met Cristina, my wife.
In 2004-2005 I become the Graduate Assistant Coach for Liberty University Track. In 2005 I finished up my second masters and for the last three years I have been the Upper School Principal at Shenandoah Valley Christian Academy in Winchester, Virginia.
The school has about 300 students K4- 12th grade.

Austrian: I'm currently finishing up my 3rd Master's degree ... Ohh yeah and on July 25th of last year (2007) our son, Jared Anthony Meier was born.
DRD: Now correct me if I'm wrong -you will be leaving your current position as a High School Principal as you have now signed on with Ecuadorian Football (Soccer) Club El Nacional as their back-up keeper...??

19:08 Austrian: Well, not exactly. This summer Cristina, Jared and I are going to Quito, Ecuador to serve the Lord. I will be the Secondary Principal at Alliance Academy International.

The school has about 420 students & serves missionary kids, embassy kids, business kids, and local Ecuadorians.

The main language is English, but I will be learning Spanish soon.

19:10

DRD: Wow, three master's degrees, South Korea, Ecuador, marriage, a child, & another language...

19:13 What's that, 3 languages for you now?

Austrian: Yes! English, German, Spanish and some Korean...

19:14 DRD: Whoa...English too...?

I had no idea.
Very Impressive!

19:15 DRD: Now Steve I want to turn our attention to LU Track & eventually we'll get around to the greatest event of all times - the Distance Runner's Decathlon.

You mentioned that you were a track coach at our alma mater...

What was that all about?

19:17 Austrian: It was a opportunity to be back at LU after a VERY stressful time in Korea. It was a good year. I was working with some of the distance runners, but mostly with the sprinters, middle distance, and some with the decathletes...

Taking down times, watching video, writing out the results, and encouraging the athletes...

19:23 DRD: That sounds like a perfect job for you...

My first impression of you back when we met in 1997 was that you were very passionate about competitive running, and over the years I found you to be a great encouragement (to me personally) ...

It sounds like the G.A. coaching bit was right down your alley...

Do you miss it?

19:25 Austrian: Yeah but it didn't pay enough to raise a family. - only about $4000 a year...

19:26 DRD: Ahhh yes...money.

So now you've chosen the lucrative life of a Christian missionary in South America!

19:28

Austrian: Yes, in Ecuador I will get a small salary for being a Principalbut I will still need to raise support for living expenses.
DRD: What if one of the DRD competitors or a reader of this blog wants to help support you guys -- how would they go about doing that?
Austrian: The easiest way to learn about giving to our ministry is to visit Resourcing Christian Education International's donation page. Funds can be directed to the Meier family account by using the code #3930

19:31 DRD: Steve, I have to ask the question, and we'll get back to the DRD in a sec but: why not back to Europe, where you grew up & your parents live or why not back to Korea where you and Cristina met? Why did you feel the Lord was leading you to Ecuador?

Austrian: God opened a door for us to go to Ecuador, and we are blessed to go there. My wife's family were missionaries to Ecuador & she actually graduated from the same high-school where I will be Principal.

19:34

DRD: Phenomenal! Now I want to talk DRD...

As i mentioned before, you are the most decorated DRD competitor of all times and I wonder what it was that you attributed all that success too?

19:43 Austrian: Well I think I am an all-around good athlete. I had run the Vienna City Marathon back in 1996, 100m in HS in 11:73, a 200m at LU in 22.73 and a 400m at LU in 50.30.
As a freshmen at LU, you and I ran a 10,000 m in 35min+
DRD: Well, in full disclosure I really only ran 9,600 meters...
Austrian: Right... anyway... about my competitive spirit - I love to compete & I have a very hard head: just ask John Khan.

19:44 DRD: You are referring to the infamous Spring 1998 basketball cage match...right?

19:45 I will remind the readers that this was a pick-up basketball game between you, me, & Rob Bartels & John Khan on the last day of the Spring semester in 1998. It is best remembered for the punishment that you meted out to the little Pakistani when he had the audacity to attempt a text-book lay-up!

Austrian: Yep!!! John didn't talk to me for about two months - But I got his respect... and now we are BFF!

19:46

DRD: I'm sorry - what was that? BFF?

19:47 Austrian: Nevermind... all I can say is that I am a fearsome competitor - John & I are both competitors & the 1999 DRD [editor note: also known as the Austrian-Paki Debacle of 1999] was just competitive fun...

DRD: We'll after the 1999 event - you really put that draw well behind you and came out for blood in the Y2K event...

19:48

...the rest is History. Johnny Khan was left wheezing on the side of the track and you were sipping RC Cola from the Chalice of Victory....

19:49 19:50

DRD: Who do you think will still be in the shape to tackle this event and win it?

19:54 Austrian: This year, (without me) I predict that Matt Zealand could pull it off.

19:55 DRD: Matt Zealand ? - You think he has the stuff?

19:56 Austrian: He will struggle with the 1km steeple, but the sprints and the field events; He is the one I pick.

DRD: Well, we only have to wait until October 17th to know for sure!

19:57
If you could offer a slice of Austrian advice to the 2008 competitors what would it be?

19:58 Austrian: Right, I am excited to see who can make it out.

1st is to show up at the event

2nd is pace yourself

3rd is to finish without injury

19:59

4th is to have great time

DRD: Wise words from a great competitor!
Austrian, thanks for spending time with me this evening.

20:00 I feel free to speak on behalf of the other competitors and let you know that you will be missed this year and...

that our thoughts and prayers will be with you & Cristina & Jared as you serve the Lord in Ecuador.
Austrian: Thank you.

Chuck

2008-05-01T08:26:00.000-07:00

In case you missed the latest 'Liberty Journal', the dates for Homecoming 2008 have been released - October 25-ish. The Anniversary edition of the Distance Runner's Decathlon's dates are unchanged and will still be 16 - 19 October.

Also, FYI - The new management at our alma mater has wasted little time latching onto internet based-American folklore and has invited the most kick-*** commencement speaker of all times.

Chuck Norris will be the speaker at this year's graduation.
[download the details here]
We here at the Planning Commission are attempting to contact him to see if he will also be available for a speech (or at least a few Chuck-isms) at the opening ceremonies of our event this fall.

I left a message with his publicist this morning.

There is another rumor bouncing about that 'lonelygirl15' will be a visiting professor in the economics department as well - although this can not be verified at present.

Stay tuned for more details...

I Spy

2008-04-29T20:42:00.000-07:00

And now for something a little different:
This is sort of a mix between a riddle, Where's Waldo?, & I Spy.

Ready!

In the picture below there are 3 mammary glands and 3 boobs.

(Make your responses short and in the form of a question.)

Word of Lifers

2008-04-28T07:35:00.001-07:00

If independent-fundamental-Baptists have a "West Point" it must be 'Word of Life'. Nestled in a picturesque Adirondack hamlet in upstate New York far, both distance-wise & ideologically from the liberal bastions of New York City, New Paltz, & Albany, 'Word of Life' is boot camp for Christian "soldiers." Attendees, usually recent high-school graduates, are confronted each day with a strict schedule, code of conduct & dogmatic curricula focused on issues such as Christian doctrine, evangelistic tactics & apologia. Once graduated, so called 'Word of Lifers' would make their way into the life-blood of American & Canadian society by taking over churches, political offices, corporate America - or their favorite post-graduation activity: Attending Liberty University!

If, like me, you were a freshman at Liberty University in the autumn of 1997 you would have found it nearly impossible to throw a rock without hitting an alumni of 'Word of Life's - Bible Institute' squarely in the side of the head. They were absolutely everywhere, but swarmed especially around FACS Department & the University's Track & Field team.

It was on the Matthes-Hopkins Track in August of 1997 that I met the three "Word of Lifers" that changed my life & the DRD forever:

The Man
Perhaps the most suave of the bunch this "Word of Lifer" hit the ground running in 1997.

He knew he was smarter than you & you knew it too! Don't even dare to argue the 'Virgin Birth' - your argument was "asinine fatuity" & by the way he'd clean your clock in a head-to-head trick-or-treating match, wake up the next morning, dust you in the Gobblin Gallup and down 9 fresh Krispy Kream's just to show you whose boss.

He could be your best friend or - if you chose to allow your alarm to ring on past 7:31 a.m. - your worst enemy. "The Man" was a dancer, a lover, a Christian, a brother [to half of campus] and most importantly - a Canadian!

The Myth

Also of Canadian descent, this 'Word of Life' alumni earned the nickname "Sweetness" for his uncanny ability to sweeten almost any of his PR's to the point that you wondered how he kept a straight face during the delivery. You'd be left thinking: "That was a punch-line, right?"

He'd take the unsuspecting freshman under his grommet-decorated belt and teach them the ways of the acoustic guitar, Ben Harper, & "Sweetness Track & Field History" - but beware! A post-convocation lunch with this ribald gent may include a menu of mac & cheese, hamburger & a wallet-sized photo of a newborn with a 3 1/2 foot shlonga...

The Legend

The only European in the bunch, the most decorated DRD athlete of all times is Word of Life Alumni with a capital "A." To prove his American street-cred he speaks in acronyms like M.K., G.A., P.K., W.O.L., N.Y.C. & the like.

He arrived at Liberty University only to suffer life in the distant "circle slums" with a Palestinian roommate name Riyadh . These "refining fires" and struggles account for his amazing leg-strength, endurance & ability to fashion a suicide belt with only a household cleaner & an old pair of suspenders.

Unfortunately, his attempt to chronicle these hardships - which he mistakenly titled "My Struggle" was not well received by the German readership that he attempted to reach.

As a lad growing up in Austria he would find ancient Roman coinage while digging in his back yard. When you meet him you know that you've found something rare & invaluable. If he ever asks you if you'd like to "go with" - and you say "yes" - you will be in for the time of your life - just make sure you wear a seat-belt.

Stay Tuned:
Austrian Steve: The Interview - Coming May 5, 2008

Our Social Conscience

2008-04-14T06:44:00.000-07:00

Recent polls suggest that, of late, people are losing interest in our event. Some have suggested that the DRD has uhhh..."lost it's gears" due to the announcement by 1998 & 2000 Chalice winner Austrian Stephen Meiers that he will not compete in this year's event. Some are apt to blame the sub-prime mortgage crisis & the Bush Administration while others are keen to cite discontent with Kite's surfboard photo.

After a deeper analysis of this lack of enthusiasm for the DRD 2008, we find a direct inverse proportional interest in the Summer Olympics games in Beijing.
At the heart of that interest: Tibet

In an effort to head-off any accusations that the DRD too is a hegemonic event that plays nice with oppressive regimes, deniers of global warming, & other evil-doers - the Commission has decreed the following:

Addendum No 4.67 to the Distance Runner's Decathlon Rule & Handbook -
Subsection 3, paragraph 9.2

14 April 2008

Effective Immediately: In a show of solidarity with South Central Virigina's growing population of sneaker sweatshop workers, the DRD Rules Commission hereby suspends the so-called "shoes rule" that has in the past required competitors to physically have in their possession one pair of shoes for each decathlon event, including the 11th event bread stick competition.

We at the commission recognize that if it were not for DRD athletes and their seemingly unquenchable need for more & more pairs of shoes, these sweatshops & this evil could be eradicated. By suspending the so called "shoes rule" the Commission will still allow athletes to have in their possession as many pairs of shoes as they feel are necessary to compete, but the event officials will not allow the following brands & models into the events area: Brands - Mike Air, Old Balance, Abbibas, Pũmba
Models - Air Mac Traiz, Air Mac, Nike El Diablo's Air Stictũre Triak

In all the excitement this year, let us not forget those unfortunate souls who make our shoes in the damp basements of South Central Virgina. Also, Free Tibet!

Sincerely,

DRD Commission for Rules

Bruce Kite: The Interview

2008-04-02T08:12:00.000-07:00

In the autumn of 1997 Bruce Kite was a mere adolescent. He started his college freshman year with an impressive high school mile time (4:22 - in case you forgot), several Lehigh Valley based accolades & a Pre-1st-day-of-practice-Fun-Run title under his belt. At that time Liberty University's Distance squad was the best that it had ever been, dominated by the likes of marathoner & reality show celebrity Josh Cox, Kenyan national Steven Githuka, & the ruthless Cathy Williams. Needless to say, making an impression on that team was a challenge.

A relative unknown, Kite only added to his personal obscurity by constantly puffing on an asthma inhaler, strutting about campus donning a wallet chain (a popular freshman accoutrement of the late 90's) & posting mediocre times on the course & on the track.

One year later in the Fall of 1998 Bruce was invited & competed in the First Annual Distance Runner's Decathlon. Following that magical event, newly invigorated & instilled with the confidence that only a DRD athlete can know, Bruce went on to rock the Liberty University & Big South Athletic Conference running scene, setting several school records, whittling his 5 kilometer track time down to (ironically) 14:22, & earning himself the tongue-in-cheek title "Walk-On of the 20th Century."

Last week I sat down and chatted with Bruce about coming of age at Liberty University, his life after Track, & his top picks for the 2008 DRD...

drd: Bruce Kite

1. Chester Cheetah

2. Photo-Shop Wiz Kid

3. Lover of Many Women

09:17 4. Walk-On Of the Century [last century]

Oh yeah and...

5. 4:22 High School Miler

[can't leave that out]

09:18 It's ten years later: Where are you now Bruce?

Bruce: Currently in Center Valley, PA

09:19 drd: Marital status?

Bruce: Single

drd: So does that mean that there are no little Kite's running around or...would that be too presumptive of me?

09:20 Bruce: There are no little Kite's running around

09:21 drd: Fantastic...

How about your professional life...?

What are you doing with yourself?

09:22 Bruce: Well, I'm currently employed as a graphic designer for a consumer electronics company and I also play bass in a worship band with a fairly busy schedule.

09:23 drd: You were a shoe salesman for a while too, right?

09:24 Bruce: Yes I was. Prior to what I'm doing now. I sold running shoes to specialty running dealers. It was sorta like my chance to give back to the sport that gave so much to me, or at least that what's they told me when I had taken the job.

09:25 drd: Fair enough...and tell me a little bit about this praise & worship band you're involved with...

I saw the website...

Nice picture by the way!

Bruce: Thanks

09:26 drd: Anybody ever tell you that you look like American Idol Contestant Elliott Yamin from Season 5?

Bruce: No, I haven't gotten that one yet.

drd: Well now you have.

So back to the praise & worship thing... tell us more

09:27 Bruce: The band has been great. We've picked up our schedule this past year, we're blessed to be able to put out our first album and it's a great bunch of guys to get to work with.

09:28 drd: Great & you travel with the band to Lehigh Valley destinations or farther afield?

09:31 Bruce: Farther abroad. We just did a conference for the New York Baptist Association (I didn't see John Khan there) and we've done events in New York, NJ, etc... and traveled as far as Virginia Beach

We saw 60 kids get saved at the NY conference we just did.

drd: Are you guys the main show or the opening act?

09:32 Bruce: That depends. We were the main act in NY, but later this spring we'll be opening for Jeff Deyo (formally of Sonic Flood)

09:36 drd: -- So that's how you are using your musical talent...Now let me turn our attention to running, because you know the last time we saw each other you were all about that...

Are you still running...?

Bruce: A little bit, here and there.

09:37 drd: Here and there? 30 miles a week, here and there or...

Bruce: 10-15 a week, I mean running is less motivating without four wheelers chasing you down the lake trail...

09:38 drd: Truer words have never been spoken (typed)...

Outta control four wheelers can be a great motivation for a young adult.

Bruce: They really are.

09:39 drd: 10-15 [miles] a week is nothing like the 80+ you were doing in college.

09:40 Obviously this is years later, but as your mileage dropped did you notice any withdraw symptoms?

Bruce: After college I decided that there were better things to do...

As far as withdraw symptoms...

09:41 I actually raced and won several road raced the year after college without training at all. I was amazed that I could keep this up for a year

09:42 After that year, I lost the edge.

I made some quick cash, but it really wasn't enough to get me back running full- time.

09:43 I also gained some weight, something like 20lbs and people were trying to send me to the Betty Ford clinic.

drd: Did you grow a beard too?...like Al Gore after the 2000 election.

09:44 Bruce: No, and apparently he beat me to inventing the internet.

09:45 drd: Before we get to the DRD I want to ask you a question of great importance to a good many Americans --

What was up with Brian Ballard's college mullet?

09:46 Bruce: Man, when I saw that, I was like, "this is one cool guy". And then he cut it off and I I had a tough time distinguishing him for any other redneck.

That mullet is really what got him into our crew.T-bone told me that he recruited him because of it too.

drd: There is a rumor bouncing about the internets that he will be the official event referee of the 2008 DRD event.

09:47 What will be the first thing that you say to him after all these years?

Bruce: I heard that too.

I'll probably ask him if he brought the strength shoes with him,

and then see if he want to get some Papa John's.

09:48 drd: Just like old times, ehhh?

Bruce: Yeah, with Ballard, you just pick up where you left off.
drd: Not so with Austrian though, right?

With him you pick up somewhere in the middle...

09:49

...it winds up getting to the end just before he finishes with the beginning...

Bruce: It's so true

drd: He gets excited...ya know!

Bruce: He's a very passionate talker.

09:50 drd: Okay, we have gotten off into the smack-talk already & I want to bring us back to discuss the 2008 DRD.

Are you gonna be there Kite?

Bruce: I'm planning on it.

drd: Will Rose & Dennis [Bruce's parents] milk the cows whilst you are away?

Bruce: I think they'll have it covered.

Will April Smart be swiping our cards at the Marriott?

09:51 April Smart was such a ironic name for that girl

drd: Yes & we love irony don't we?

Bruce: I heard a rumor that D-Wayne Carson will be the keynote speaker this year?

09:52 drd: That is just a rumor: Eric Lovett is first in line right now.
...Ballard & Johnny K are setting us up with him....

Bruce: They would be the ones to set that up...

drd: Apparently they know him from WWF Monday Night RAW nights back in 1999...

...But back to the DRD.

09:54 Who will go home with the "Chalice of Victory"?

Bruce: Wow, That's a tough one.Without seeing how fat anyone has gotten, it's hard to call.

I'd say Austrian has a good chance if he shows up...

09:55 drd: Not gonna happen... he's off to Morocco or... near there - Ecuador.

Bruce: But if John Khan has a good nap right before, he'll be tough.

Plus who knows how much fatherhood has changed Frosh Z.
He might be a good sleeper pick this year

09:56 Personally, I'm starting DiCarlo, Frosh and Isaac in my DRD Fantasy league

drd: Yeah...Frosh is a possible contender -- for the breadsticks. [give me a break]

09:57 Bruce: I really want to see Mini-Z attack those breadsticks. In fact, I think the last time I saw him was at Fazoli's.

drd: Are you gunning to retain the 1K steeple title or is that not on your radar?

Bruce: If I've got it in me, I'd like to take it.

drd: I think you will Kite...I think you will!

09:58 Before we go, is there anything that you want to say to the other contestants ?

Bruce: Wow. Say something to the other contestants... whew... uh...uh...uh...

09:59 You know, the DRD has always been LU's finest athletic event.

Full of bravery and courage.
Feats of strength and mockery.

10:00 At times the sarcasm has flowed as freely as the Gatorade (which we took from the training room)

10:01 But rest assured, Liberty's drought of a premium athletic event (and entertainment) and world class DRD athletes will be quenched this fall.

We will restore athletic honor to Southern Virginia's fine athletic heritage.

10:02 When the DRD WORLD CHAMPS show the rest of LU what "real men" are made of...

drd: "Real men" with women's shot-puts --right?

Bruce: The details are irrelevant

10:03 drd: Bruce Kite....thank you for spending time with me this morning.

Bruce: It was my pleasure, thanks for having me on the show.

10:04 drd: I look forward to seeing you at the 2008 DRD Extravaganza & Arts & Crafts Bazaar

16 - 19 October 2008 in Lynchburg, Virginia

Bruce: Without a doubt.

The Bachelor

2008-04-01T07:16:00.000-07:00

Many congratulations to our very own Brian Ballard. I found out last night through a link on Drudge Report that he has been chosen by ABC to be the next "Bachelor" on the hit reality show of the same name. Ballard now joins the growing list of LU Track Alumni who have entered the reality show biz.

Associated PRESS
31 March 2008

ASHEVILLE- This evening southwest North Carolina's own Brian J. Ballard was informed by ABC executives that he will be the next Bachelor on 2009 version of the hit reality show - "The Bachelor." Ballard was met by reporters as he arrived at his suburban home this evening & expressed his utter shock at being the "chosen one." "I am shocked that I am the chosen one." He also explained that his application to the show was a last ditch effort to find a soul mate before he turns 40 next year.
ABC expressed great excitement at their selection, ABC reality show executive Ben Berstein seemed elated as he showed that after a great deal of demographic research, Brian Ballard scored highest amongst Indian sub-continentals with a college degree, income over 40K, & a very well-kept vehicle. "This is a group that we have been trying desperately to make inroads with, we thought Sanjaya was the ticket, but for some reason this southern gentleman makes the grade."
Ballard, a local range Asheville celebrity is a 2001 graduate of Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia, currently living & working in southwest North Carolina, votes Republican & drives a Solaris.

We are very excited for Brian. In case you don't know, the premise of the "Bachelor" goes like this: One man, usually with a decent steady job, & other qualities that women typically find attractive - not unlike our Ballard, is placed in a house with 25 women of varying degrees of baggage & beauty. Over the course of several weeks through a series of group dates, athletic activities & hot-tub scenes hardly fit for prime time television, the Bachelor must whittle down the field of potential mates to just one by eliminating the less "desireables" at an extremely intense & dramatic rose ceremony...

Congratulations & best of luck on the show Brian, from all of us here at the 2008 DRD planning commission!

The Interviews

2008-03-31T07:20:00.000-07:00

Beginning this week I will be publishing a series of in-depth interviews with several competitors, founding fathers & event officials, know as 'Legends of the DRD.'

In an effort to encourage smack talk & public ridicule on an unprecedented scale, (directed at the interview subject or Austrian Steve), I will allow unregulated comments under each interview.

First Up:

Wednesday April 2nd - 1 k Steeplechase record holder Bruce Amos Kite discusses life, liberty, & his amazing ability to answer a phone at one ring from 30 ft horizontal, 5 ft vertical during REM sleep.

New Arrival

2008-03-17T05:28:00.000-07:00

The DRD Planning Commission would like to congratulate Brent Nieter & his wife Kim on the arrival of their first born:

Blake Alan Nieter
[stats: 8 lbs, 12 oz., 21 in., mile PR: 6:03]

As of Saturday afternoon both mum & child were doing well.

This now brings the list of potential DRD 2028 participants to 8 with 2 in the oven.
This is the breakdown:

Frosh Zealand - 3 with 1 on the way
Mini-Zealand - 1 with 1 on the way
Juggernaut DiCarlo - 1
Michael Arnulf - 1
Austrian Steve - 1
Amos Kite - nil
Khan-Man - nada [which is surprising considering all his wives & concubines]
B. Ball-ard - nope

side note: Do you guys remember after the Y2K event when the Zealand Bros. were out there trying to convince everyone that we should add "baby making" as a twelfth event?

As I recall we turned them down because no one knew Latin well-enough to figure out what a 12-event sport would be called...

Obviously we dodged a bullet there. Any event that would include "baby making" would be heavily weighted toward the Canadians & would have given them a clear advantage.

Constantine Has Reservations

2008-03-13T06:32:00.000-07:00

The hotel reservations have been made.
Three top floor rooms have been reserved at The Wingate Inn just off campus. My request to temporarily rename the hotel: 'The Official Headquarters & Training Facility of the 2008 Distance Runner's Decathlon' was politely denied but I was assured that our rooms will overlook the "Steel Teat" otherwise known as the Vines Center.

Other amenities include:

swimming pool
breakfast [fit for a DRD Champion]
wireless internet
little bottles of shampoo
close proximity to Liberty God-Parent Home [Ballard, Kite, Khan read "femininas with one in the oven"]

Also, the rooms have been booked under my usual nome-de-reservations, Constantine Gallifinakis, heir to the great Gallifinaki Shipping Fortune. So, if for any reason you need to contact the hotel directly make sure you speak with a Greek accent.

Official Invitations will be mailed out next week and will include pricing information, etc...
As always, you can direct questions to me jadicarlo@gmail.com or via mobile 443.366.2916.

PS John: I asked about the coffee machine and it has been fixed since early June 2002.

The Dates

2008-03-05T12:37:00.000-08:00

check back soon.
more to come...

Retraction

2008-03-05T12:28:00.000-08:00

Dear potential DRD participants and enthusiasts,

It has come to my attention that I may have made a gross error regarding all that Josh Zealand / DLP business. Apparently Austrian Steve was correct: the acronym 'DLP' stands for 'Distance Learning Program,' and does not pose a threat to the DRD 2008 or any other event for that matter.

My humblest apologies to Josh Zealand and the Distance Learning Program at Liberty University.

Infamy!

2008-02-28T12:27:00.000-08:00

Notice to all participants & non-committal types:

Controversy has once again tarnished our fair event. And this one could potentially be worse than the Paki-Austrian debacle of 1999.

I'm sure you've heard the rumors: A rival competition, starring one of our very own, is competing with the DRD 2008 for participants. They call themselves the DLP [Distance Legends Program] . It sounds innocuous I know but when I looked into this "program" a little more closely I realized what type of a punk-*** little outfit they really are.
I have copied correspondence regarding this wanna-be organization and their pathetic aspirations, which rumor has it, include the following:

replacing the DRD as the ultimate decathlon for distance runners
allowing all manner of controlled & banned substances
ridding Europe of all Jewry & gypsy-ry
denouncing the basic tenets of Christianity
installing a one-world government with Amy Winehouse as president
no complimentary breakfast at the Wingate Hotel

Due to uhh....journalistic uhhhh...errrr ethics, I cannot divulge where most of these bullet points came from, but I am as sure that these things are true as I am that John McCain had a love child with a Cuban lobbyist & accepted money from the Soviets in '88 for his Senatorial campaign.

This is cult-ish I'm telling you. Whatever you hear or see or read, don't buy into it. The DRD is the preeminent event for Distance Runners. It has been for a decade now & will continue to be that for decades to come!

Correspondence:

2008/2/27 John Khan <zjkhan@yahoo.com>:

...As for Josh Zealand...I have spotted this young man in recent weeks. I was perusing the Liberty University pages to see if I could purchase any Doug Oldham CD's, but couldn't find anything with the beat I was looking to drop. Back to JZ though...his picture was mysteriously posted on one of those scrolling pics when you log onto the homepage. Something about LU DLP program and some achievement. Either the DLP program is using old file footage or JZ is still around somewhere.

From: Joseph DiCarlo [mailto:jadicarlo@gmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, February 28, 2008 9:08 AM

John,

What's this DLP thing that JZ is involved with?

Is it a rival competition to the DRD?

Let me know.

I didn't know that the DRD 2008 was competing with another competition.

Maybe we're gonna have to sweeten the deal to get people to come....

Will they have a huge-awesome 11th Event / Awards Ceremony at Fazoli's ? 'Cause our's will! You know that right?

Do you know if they are getting rooms at the Wingate Hotel so their competitors will have access to the hot-tub? You know the DRD 2008 is gonna have a hot-tub. And that's not even to mention the complitmentary breakfast & exercise room....will they have complimentary breakfast??

Look, If anyone asks tell them that the soccer girl's will be there...

Let me know what you know...

Joey

2008/2/27 John Khan <zjkhan@yahoo.com>:

...Back to Joey though...I think there may be a rogue agency trying to undermine your historical DRD. (If anyone happend to get this LU magazine this week with basketball stuff on the cover...take a glance in there and you can see Josh Zealand with his training teammate.) There may be illegal donations that he's receiving for training with his DLP team, but I'm unable to confirm this (although as a follow up to yesterday's email, once I can get his SS# I could tell you how many donations he received in 2007.) [then again, with the military background Don Hicks has, he's already tracking every word each of us has already written in the emails, so he may be the one to contact for all that info, and when the last time Bruce Kite ordered a pizza on his cell phone].

Call me crazy, but there may be some extensive training taking place by Josh. The Distance Legends Program...these guys know how to bring it and they've got home field advantage cause they can learn all the intricacies of how to approach each event. This is a society of athletes that grooms young men and sometimes women into becoming champions in their respective field. I mean the only way I can get a leg up on this training is by adding an event to see who can get up on the roof of dorm 22 the fastest (here's a hint, there's a roof access point in the bathroom, and a pair of Ballard's boxers in the closet.)

Joey, there you have it...the latest info about the rogue agency, and if I learn of anything else, I'll send you the schematics to your PDA.

Johnny K -- the most dominant DRD performer of the 20th century

PS --> You're telling me there's gonna be soccer girls there? Hmm...add in a couple of southern belle's with blond hair and you know Ballard and I are showing up for sure. Also, do you know if the coffee machine got fixed at the Wingate?

Any updated information that we have regarding these "ace & garys" will be posted right here.

The Lost Boys

2008-02-27T06:09:00.001-08:00

This morning at the breakfast table as I chewed my soy drenched Kashi-puffs & leafed through the latest issue of the 'Liberty Journal' I came up with the idea to create a six sided milk carton [not counting the top or bottom].

Yes, I know what you're thinking: A six sided milk carton [not counting the top or bottom] would be unnecessary, cumbersome, and hardly marketable in Canada where they prefer bagged milk to our cardboard box.

But look at it this way...if we could create a six sided milk carton [not counting the top or bottom], maybe it would give us just enough space to find our long lost friends. Friends like:

Joshua Zealand [Canada] aka: "Mini-Me", "Mini-Z", "Li'l Z"
Michael Arnulf Lude [NJ] aka: "Grungee Lunde", "Ma Lunde" "The Great Lundini"
Isaac Rattin [New Hampshire] - aka: "Sac"
Robert Bartels [Pennsylvania] - aka: "Bartels"
Michael Irving Beckner - aka: "Mary Beckner"
The Lost Boy [Unk.] - aka: "that guy that Tolsma left down by the river in '97?"

If you have contact information for anyone on the above list, give them a call or shoot an e-mail...
Let them know about this year's festivities. The deadline for final date selection is still 11:59 pm on February 29...

direct all questions & comments to jadicarlo@gmail.com or 443.366.2916

The General Selection

2008-02-16T08:29:00.000-08:00

All right chaps! The primary date selection period officially ended last night at midnight along with the US government's ability to listen to John Khan's overseas phone calls.

So not only does this mean that ordinary Americans are a great deal less safe, it also means that we must NOW nail down the dates for the:

2008 Distance Runner's Decathlon

- 10 year anniversary event, extravaganza, monster truck rally, & arts & crafts bazzaar.

Here's how this will work:

-Below are listed the dates that you selected.
-Before March 1, you need to pick the one that works for you.
-E-mail your selection to me [ jadicarlo@gmail.com ] along with your mailing address and...

...Sit tight.

On March 1st, after I wake up & clear my head from the wild 1/2 birthday party that I throw for myself every leap year, I will tabulate the results...

I will then personally contact everyone who voted [assuming at that point that if you didn't vote, you aren't in] and we will hash out the rest of the details [hotels, eateries, etc...] from there.

The dates that you selected are as follows:

September 18 - 21

October 2 - 5

60 yard Tom Brady Field Goal [this date is from a Medieval Austrian Calendar]

October 16 - 19

October 30 - November 2

Cast your vote on or before 11:59 pm on February 29, 2008.

Homecoming

2008-02-01T18:48:00.000-08:00

FYI - The 'DRD Party Planning Committee' website , [not to be confused with the now defunct 'Committee to Plan DRD Parties'], has been hit recenlty with several inquiries as to the dates of the Liberty Homecoming...

[between you & me: Apparently Brent was hoping to run into Elaina Kisoleva for one last wild, slavo-amozonish fling!]

Unless I'm mistaken, LU has not nailed down the dates themselves just yet...
I know that the date changes every year but...
According to the '2007 Liberty Flames Football Schedule' , last year's homecoming fell on the 25th - 28th of October.

In case you were wondering, the team played our arch-nemesis, Presbyterian College.
We took the lead from them early in the fourth quarter with an amazing argument against transubstantiation & never relinqished.
The final was 24 doctorinal issues to their 13.

Back to the Homecoming suggestion - cause Brent is not the only one to bring this up.

I'm fine with it myself. I'm more partial to VA Ten Miler weekend but homecoming is fine too...

Just consider that Homecoming may have it's negatives:

1. hotel space will be at a premium $$$
2. it may be more difficult to reserve the track & events field...
3. Ex-girlfriends & undoubtedly...
4. the dollar theatre will be full of onbnoxius alumni who think they can just audibly blurt ridiculous comments out during the whole movie

did somebody say ''BODY SHOTS!''

all that being said [typed] ... just call me & let me know what will work for you.
August, October, December 31st...there will not be a date that is perfect for everyone, just pick something & I'll make the call.

J. [443.366.2916]

PS. About the uber-bowl: I'll watch, but just for the commercials. As a Philly fan I hope that both the Giants & the Patriots lose.

The Deadline

2008-01-31T17:21:00.000-08:00

Gentlemen,

It may come as a surprise to you, but tomorrow is February 1st. As some of you may recall, the deadline for putting your choice dates in the suggestion box is swiftly approaching. The "suggestion box" thing in the last sentence was figurative of course. By "suggestion box" I meant give'n me the old "jingle," "hopp'n on the horn" and / or "ring'n me up."

What can I say? I'm a figurative guy.

But when I write that I was spelunking...theeeeeeeeen I mean what I say:

I thoroughly enjoy cave diving.
It's as simple as that!

For those of you who caught that...stop giggling & pay attention:

The deadline is still Friday the 15th of February.
Although I have been in contact with Brian Ballard, Cheetah-Kite, The Khan-Man, Brentimus Neikpfter, Austrian & Frosh Zealand, I have only heard definitive dates from 1 person.

My digits are 443.366.2916
For Pete's-sake! Give me a call already!

Remember When ?

2008-01-25T05:58:00.000-08:00

perhaps you'll remember a time when...

Gumby ran around campus harrassing upper-classmen...

A sleek 1988 white Jaguar was on the prowl...

A freshman named Nancy was all the rage!

remember that year when...

The Spice Girls were on the radio constantly...

You were obligated to warm up in track pants even if the temperature was a sweltering 98 F

The prospect of a Southern belle & and East-African getting together seemed almost possible...

And if you committed the great fallacy of being imperfect in any way at all & sat next to those skinny runner guys from the track team, you would be laughed out of the Marriott...

There were...

long runs in the woods

long runs in the ghetto

Lunde bravado all week long

and D-Wayne Carson on the weekends...

Remember those visits to the manor...

The unbelievably slim [albeit existant] hopes that said -

"hey, maybe the soccer girls will be there..."

"maybe John'll let me in Maxine tonight?" and...

"maybe, just maybe Kite & Becky will take a break to breathe!"

That was 1998 my friends...

and this is ten years on...

join us for the 10th year anniversary edition of the Distance Runner's Decathlon.

call 443.366.2916 for more details.

Controlled & Banned

2008-01-15T17:33:00.001-08:00

Notice to All Competitors:

There has been a great deal of speculation as to how the BALCO scandal will influence our event.

In an effort to clear up any ambiguities left by the 21 USC, Chapter 13 code of US Federal Regulations, the DRD 2008 Drug Prevention Committe has issued the following helpful guide to assist you in staying qualified for competition:

Controlled & Banned in 2008

Little Debbie [Triple Fudge Brownies ONLY - the Double are still legal]
Nutella
Kinder Chokolat
Mango Lassie
Banana-Berry Freeze & French Onion Cocktail
Clearly Canadian [all flavors & varieties]
Rally's Burgers with Pickles. Without pickles is fine, but watch the ketchup...
Meat RX
Fresh-Chixs
Swedish Fish
Lagerfeld Cologne
Ben & Jerry's - Chunky Monkey & New York Super Fudge Chunk ONLY
Gatorade [Kenyan National Aeronautics & Space Administration Issued Only]
Ice Cream Bars that pre-date 1999

This list is abbreviated for time's sake and should not be considered complete.
If you have a question as to the legality of a substance that you are currently using or intend to use contact the DRD substance hotline at 443.366.2916.

Testing will be random, violent, fierce, & may entail other participants seeing your private bits.
Consider yourself warned!

Special Thanks to our Sponsors:

The Ballard Question

2008-01-11T06:43:00.000-08:00

On 09/08/2008, Brian Ballard <gmcman20@hotmail.com> wrote:
Hey Joey, what's up. Obviously I wouldn't be competing. But my times that I could definitely get up there would be February 21-24, or April 3rd 4th and 5th I believe it is. Other than that. If someone has differing schedule I still might be able to work something out. Let me know yo.

Response:

Ballard-o...

No, you would not be a competitor!
In case you have forgotten, the official rules of the DRD state the following:

"any potential competitor who can actually lift-off , complete, & land a real pole vault...and/or anyone who can pick-up a men's shot-put is ineligible to compete: his application will be considered DOA & will be summarily denied..."

We do have a position available for "Official Event Referee" though...you may apply & the committee will consider your application.
However, I have to let you know that Darrell Wargo is in the running for that position [and by the way he is really campaigning hard], so you may just have to settle for a lesser, unpaid position...

As for the timing: we are thinking more of an autumn thing. If we can decide on a date prior to March-ish, that should give everyone enough time to ask off from work, get the hotel reservations & what-not...

Thank you for your continued interest in our great event,

J. DiCarlo

The Chalice of Victory

2008-01-05T15:55:00.000-08:00

Sired by Atlas himself
Forged in the fires of Mordor.
Engraved with the skill that only virgin Tibetan monks can claim..

In a way it is our Lombardi
It is our Scudetto
It is our Stanley

Those storied trophies have their place in History, yes!
but none can claim this one power that our pewter cup holds.

What is that great power?
That mystery that Byron himself could only dream?

It is this my friend so listen well & read with care:
The victor of our Chalice can claim victory for a time, he may taste cold, fizzy Dr. Pepper from it's cusp, he may even keep it in his attic for 6 years & move to Korea & back with it...

But he knows that he does not possess the prize...

For the prize possesses him.

DRD 2008 - The 10th year anniversary edition of a timeless tradition

Make your voice heard.
Call the DRD 2008 Planning Committee at 443.366.2916 before February 15th & let them know 3 weekends [Thursday, Friday & Saturday ] in '08 when you will be available to compete. After Feb 15th a decision will be made with or without your input & reservations will be made. Don't procrastinate, Hop on the horn and give us a call...

An Open Letter to the Crew

2008-01-01T19:42:00.000-08:00

Dear You [Bartels, Khan-Man, Amos Kite, B. Nieter, Michael Irving Beckner, Grungee Lunde, Frosh & Mini-Me Zealand, Brickhouse Gary, Bobby Hunt, Dan Rabe, Tony Sangueti, Sven Goran DiKarlosson, I-Sack Rattin, Josh Jones & yes...Austrian Steven Meiers]

It has come to the attention of the Distance Runner's Decathlon Historic Society that 2008 would make our event 10 years old.

Although the event has been poorly attended in recent years, we hope to breathe life anew into the old bird for one more heart-pounding, gatorade guzzling, spandex-stretching hurrah.

Consider a 2008 event a time to get together with the old crew, catch-up & discuss interesting life facts like: did you see that Josh Cox advert in Runner's World? Where do you work now? Still living with the parents eh? Married? Did you ever wind up killing a man? How did that whole gene-spreading thing go? What's that Frosh Z...what...How many times was that? Remember that Brian dude who stole the TV from WalMart? etc...

Oh yeah and we'll have the high-jump, the javelin & breadsticks again too...

...The thing is that we can't do it without YOU...so if you are interested in putting together a 2008 - 10th year anniversary edition of the DRD please contact the Distance Runner's Decathlon Historic Society by dialing 443.366.2916. before February 15th.

Let them know that you want the bring back the DRD !!!

That number again is 443.366.2916

Sincerely,

The Distance Runner's Decathlon Historic Society