Infamy!

Notice to all participants & non-committal types:

Controversy has once again tarnished our fair event. And this one could potentially be worse than the Paki-Austrian debacle of 1999.

I'm sure you've heard the rumors: A rival competition, starring one of our very own, is competing with the DRD 2008 for participants. They call themselves the DLP [Distance Legends Program] . It sounds innocuous I know but when I looked into this "program" a little more closely I realized what type of a punk-*** little outfit they really are.
I have copied correspondence regarding this wanna-be organization and their pathetic aspirations, which rumor has it, include the following:

• replacing the DRD as the ultimate decathlon for distance runners
  
• allowing all manner of controlled & banned substances
  
• ridding Europe of all Jewry & gypsy-ry
• denouncing the basic tenets of Christianity
• installing a one-world government with Amy Winehouse as president
• no complimentary breakfast at the Wingate Hotel

Due to uhh....journalistic uhhhh...errrr ethics, I cannot divulge where most of these bullet points came from, but I am as sure that these things are true as I am that John McCain had a love child with a Cuban lobbyist & accepted money from the Soviets in '88 for his Senatorial campaign.

This is cult-ish I'm telling you. Whatever you hear or see or read, don't buy into it. The DRD is the preeminent event for Distance Runners. It has been for a decade now & will continue to be that for decades to come!

Correspondence:

2008/2/27 John Khan <zjkhan@yahoo.com>:

...As for Josh Zealand...I have spotted this young man in recent weeks. I was perusing the Liberty University pages to see if I could purchase any Doug Oldham CD's, but couldn't find anything with the beat I was looking to drop. Back to JZ though...his picture was mysteriously posted on one of those scrolling pics when you log onto the homepage. Something about LU DLP program and some achievement. Either the DLP program is using old file footage or JZ is still around somewhere.

From: Joseph DiCarlo [mailto:jadicarlo@gmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, February 28, 2008 9:08 AM

John,

What's this DLP thing that JZ is involved with?

Is it a rival competition to the DRD?

Let me know.

I didn't know that the DRD 2008 was competing with another competition.

Maybe we're gonna have to sweeten the deal to get people to come....

Will they have a huge-awesome 11th Event / Awards Ceremony at Fazoli's ? 'Cause our's will! You know that right?

Do you know if they are getting rooms at the Wingate Hotel so their competitors will have access to the hot-tub? You know the DRD 2008 is gonna have a hot-tub. And that's not even to mention the complitmentary breakfast & exercise room....will they have complimentary breakfast??

Look, If anyone asks tell them that the soccer girl's will be there...

Let me know what you know...

Joey

2008/2/27 John Khan <zjkhan@yahoo.com>:

...Back to Joey though...I think there may be a rogue agency trying to undermine your historical DRD. (If anyone happend to get this LU magazine this week with basketball stuff on the cover...take a glance in there and you can see Josh Zealand with his training teammate.) There may be illegal donations that he's receiving for training with his DLP team, but I'm unable to confirm this (although as a follow up to yesterday's email, once I can get his SS# I could tell you how many donations he received in 2007.) [then again, with the military background Don Hicks has, he's already tracking every word each of us has already written in the emails, so he may be the one to contact for all that info, and when the last time Bruce Kite ordered a pizza on his cell phone].

Call me crazy, but there may be some extensive training taking place by Josh. The Distance Legends Program...these guys know how to bring it and they've got home field advantage cause they can learn all the intricacies of how to approach each event. This is a society of athletes that grooms young men and sometimes women into becoming champions in their respective field. I mean the only way I can get a leg up on this training is by adding an event to see who can get up on the roof of dorm 22 the fastest (here's a hint, there's a roof access point in the bathroom, and a pair of Ballard's boxers in the closet.)

Joey, there you have it...the latest info about the rogue agency, and if I learn of anything else, I'll send you the schematics to your PDA.

Johnny K -- the most dominant DRD performer of the 20th century

PS --> You're telling me there's gonna be soccer girls there? Hmm...add in a couple of southern belle's with blond hair and you know Ballard and I are showing up for sure. Also, do you know if the coffee machine got fixed at the Wingate?

Any updated information that we have regarding these "ace & garys" will be posted right here.

The Lost Boys

This morning at the breakfast table as I chewed my soy drenched Kashi-puffs & leafed through the latest issue of the 'Liberty Journal' I came up with the idea to create a six sided milk carton [not counting the top or bottom].

Yes, I know what you're thinking: A six sided milk carton [not counting the top or bottom] would be unnecessary, cumbersome, and hardly marketable in Canada where they prefer bagged milk to our cardboard box.

But look at it this way...if we could create a six sided milk carton [not counting the top or bottom], maybe it would give us just enough space to find our long lost friends. Friends like:

Joshua Zealand [Canada] aka: "Mini-Me", "Mini-Z", "Li'l Z"
Michael Arnulf Lude [NJ] aka: "Grungee Lunde", "Ma Lunde" "The Great Lundini"
Isaac Rattin [New Hampshire] - aka: "Sac"
Robert Bartels [Pennsylvania] - aka: "Bartels"
Michael Irving Beckner - aka: "Mary Beckner"
The Lost Boy [Unk.] - aka: "that guy that Tolsma left down by the river in '97?"


If you have contact information for anyone on the above list, give them a call or shoot an e-mail...
Let them know about this year's festivities. The deadline for final date selection is still 11:59 pm on February 29...

direct all questions & comments to jadicarlo@gmail.com or 443.366.2916

The General Selection

All right chaps! The primary date selection period officially ended last night at midnight along with the US government's ability to listen to John Khan's overseas phone calls.

So not only does this mean that ordinary Americans are a great deal less safe, it also means that we must NOW nail down the dates for the:

2008 Distance Runner's Decathlon

- 10 year anniversary event, extravaganza, monster truck rally, & arts & crafts bazzaar.

Here's how this will work:

-Below are listed the dates that you selected.
-Before March 1, you need to pick the one that works for you.
-E-mail your selection to me [ jadicarlo@gmail.com ] along with your mailing address and...

...Sit tight.

On March 1st, after I wake up & clear my head from the wild 1/2 birthday party that I throw for myself every leap year, I will tabulate the results...

I will then personally contact everyone who voted [assuming at that point that if you didn't vote, you aren't in] and we will hash out the rest of the details [hotels, eateries, etc...] from there.

The dates that you selected are as follows:

• September 18 - 21


• October 2 - 5


• 60 yard Tom Brady Field Goal [this date is from a Medieval Austrian Calendar]


• October 16 - 19


• October 30 - November 2

Cast your vote on or before 11:59 pm on February 29, 2008.

Homecoming

FYI - The 'DRD Party Planning Committee' website , [not to be confused with the now defunct 'Committee to Plan DRD Parties'], has been hit recenlty with several inquiries as to the dates of the Liberty Homecoming...

[between you & me: Apparently Brent was hoping to run into Elaina Kisoleva for one last wild, slavo-amozonish fling!]

Unless I'm mistaken, LU has not nailed down the dates themselves just yet...
I know that the date changes every year but...
According to the '2007 Liberty Flames Football Schedule' , last year's homecoming fell on the 25th - 28th of October.

In case you were wondering, the team played our arch-nemesis, Presbyterian College.
We took the lead from them early in the fourth quarter with an amazing argument against transubstantiation & never relinqished.
The final was 24 doctorinal issues to their 13.

Back to the Homecoming suggestion - cause Brent is not the only one to bring this up.

I'm fine with it myself. I'm more partial to VA Ten Miler weekend but homecoming is fine too...

Just consider that Homecoming may have it's negatives:

1. hotel space will be at a premium $$$
2. it may be more difficult to reserve the track & events field...
3. Ex-girlfriends & undoubtedly...
4. the dollar theatre will be full of onbnoxius alumni who think they can just audibly blurt ridiculous comments out during the whole movie

did somebody say ''BODY SHOTS!''

all that being said [typed] ... just call me & let me know what will work for you.
August, October, December 31st...there will not be a date that is perfect for everyone, just pick something & I'll make the call.


J. [443.366.2916]

PS. About the uber-bowl: I'll watch, but just for the commercials. As a Philly fan I hope that both the Giants & the Patriots lose.